What are the underlying reasons for the mixed emotions I feel when other people unexpectedly do really nice things for me? While I am genuinely grateful and appreciative, I find it shockingly hard to simply enjoy unsolicited kindness from friends, family or colleagues, whether it's expressed as a compliment, a present or an offer of support. Ironically, I am a queen of unsolicited kindness -- to loved ones as well as strangers.
A case in point: Last week, a dear friend decided to throw a dinner party to celebrate my birthday. He shopped for and prepped the food, tidied up his apartment in advance of company, cooked a delicious meal and set a table for twelve -- not to mention that he cleaned up, post-dinner. All I should feel is gratitude, and I do -- along with guilt and a bit of agita.
I don't think this discomfort stems from getting attention -- I'm an Aries, and I enjoy the occasional spotlight. And it's not because I asked for or expected a party -- his offer to host was sincere and made without any prompting on my part. So what's at the root of my discomfort? Damned if I know.
What I do know is that it made me feel better to show up that night with multiple bottles of wine as well as a gift for my friend and a few hors d'oeuvres to quell my unease. I helped clear the table, and made sure the guests had a drink in hand at all times. Maybe -- maybe -- by next year's birthday I’ll start to get over it. If you’re planning to host my party, here's some advance warning – I’m only bringing one bottle of wine (and maybe some flowers and chocolate...).