A friend recently asked me for feedback on an email exchange between him and a sibling who disagreed abouthow to divvy up responsibilities for an elderly relative's care. While he thought he wasbeing relatively diplomatic and even relatively restrained, it was -- let's just say it -- an electronic pissing contest. After a while, they withdrew to their respective corners, and the issue was unresolved for an unnecessarily long time.
It made me recall a provocative question once posed to me: Would you rather be right or happy? At this point in my life, happiness trumps everything. I've tried to remember this when, in the heat of the moment, I could have had an easy "win." But I would have also paid a price -- a disgruntled "opponent" (i.e., friend or family member) with a bruised ego, and the likelihood of no good outcomes for either of us.
In a former professional life, I had a colleague who considered it great sport to create conflict where none was called for. She was an expert at taking someone's simple question or suggestion and amping it up into a "situation" where she was the injured party. (Never mind that this behaviorwas a cover for her deep insecurity -- it didn't make dealing with her any easier.) Fortunately, I had the happy/right question to help me through many of our particularly charged moments. It made it easier to let go of the need to be right in service to my goals.
Try asking yourself the question the next time you're itching for the last word, you're feeling the temptation to say "I told you so," you've got the self-righteous response that will only incite the other person further. Take a deep breath, maybe even walk away -- and see if you don't feel, if not exactly happy, then something close.